Change Continues

Change continues to happen. Sometimes change can happen very fast and sometimes it takes a very long time. My husband and I got our puppy fix. We laughed and loved the three little girls that day. We also got a little teary. It felt very strange to be in such conflict. I enjoyed the puppies, young life with so much unconditional love to share, yet I still longed for my Clancy. He knew me. He understood my moods and when I needed his silent support. He was my family that was gone. We went home, the puppies were all spoken for and there would not be another litter for a few more weeks which would move any chance of receiving a puppy to mid-summer.
The house remained clean and the dog food was donated to the humane society. The dog beds were packed away and the emptiness I felt grew. I stayed in touch with Henriette, and we talked about what kind of dog would fit into our life. I wanted a family member who could also possibly work as a therapy dog. A few weeks later we visited the puppies again. This time there were only two. One of the remaining girls was going to go to Montana soon and the other to Arkansas. We wanted to play and get our final puppy fix before they left for their forever homes.
That afternoon something happened that I still don't understand, we brought a puppy home. We never expected this blessing, I am truly grateful to Henriette for entrusting us with this precious gift. Little Miss Clover has begun to help me move past my loss and open an entire new world to me. I still miss our boy, but the firsts I am experiencing with our puppy is making all of it much easier.

Little Miss Clover

Change

Change happens whether you want it to or not. Little changes in our life we accept easily. Yesterday I purchased some picture frames which will change the look of my home, a small change that will make my living space a little bit nicer. I changed the route that I used to walk daily and discovered some great scenery along the way, a little change that makes the walk more enjoyable. Daily we go through small encounters that change our life in small ways.
The big changes are what affect us the most.
In March my husband and I lost his incredible dog Clancy. Clancy lived a good long life, 16 joy-filled years. We would have preferred him to live a little longer, we never have enough time with our beloved pets. The sadness I have experienced I am unable to fully express. This loss was very different from when I lost my Bailey. Bailey was the dog of my heart, he was my boy for 18 years. The difference is that I had Clancy to help me cope. Clancy was there for me and helped me adjust. This time there was no soft nose to nuzzle. I felt very alone and very lost.
The house was empty and way too clean. The dog food containers sat on the counter untouched and the water in his dish evaporated. His toys sat in the wicker basket in the corner waiting to be played with. I found myself going into a very dark and lonely place that I could not share with anyone, not even my husband. I needed to stay positive for him, he was going through his own grieving process. Having Clancy in my life changed my life by adding so much happiness, loosing him, the happiness drained away.
In April I had had enough. I took a bold step and went and knocked on the door of my 5th grade teacher, Henriette Schmidt. She was a great teacher and has an outstanding reputation as a breeder of English Springer Spaniels. She did not remember me 35 years later, not a surprise, I know I can't remember my own students from only 10 years ago. She was kind and invited the 2 grieving strangers into her home and get a "puppy fix".  This one action has created major changes in my life that will be shared later. What I have learned so far is that it is ok to be sad and to grieve, I just can't let it become all consuming. Change happens even when you don't want it to.

Clancy

Clancy helping sun-print fabric

Clancy in the garden

Clancy, I miss you and you are forever in my heart, you are always my Dancer.

Happy New Year from Clancy the Quilting Dog!

May 2012 be filled with laughter and confidence!