The big changes are what affect us the most.
In March my husband and I lost his incredible dog Clancy. Clancy lived a good long life, 16 joy-filled years. We would have preferred him to live a little longer, we never have enough time with our beloved pets. The sadness I have experienced I am unable to fully express. This loss was very different from when I lost my Bailey. Bailey was the dog of my heart, he was my boy for 18 years. The difference is that I had Clancy to help me cope. Clancy was there for me and helped me adjust. This time there was no soft nose to nuzzle. I felt very alone and very lost.
The house was empty and way too clean. The dog food containers sat on the counter untouched and the water in his dish evaporated. His toys sat in the wicker basket in the corner waiting to be played with. I found myself going into a very dark and lonely place that I could not share with anyone, not even my husband. I needed to stay positive for him, he was going through his own grieving process. Having Clancy in my life changed my life by adding so much happiness, loosing him, the happiness drained away.
In April I had had enough. I took a bold step and went and knocked on the door of my 5th grade teacher, Henriette Schmidt. She was a great teacher and has an outstanding reputation as a breeder of English Springer Spaniels. She did not remember me 35 years later, not a surprise, I know I can't remember my own students from only 10 years ago. She was kind and invited the 2 grieving strangers into her home and get a "puppy fix". This one action has created major changes in my life that will be shared later. What I have learned so far is that it is ok to be sad and to grieve, I just can't let it become all consuming. Change happens even when you don't want it to.
|Clancy helping sun-print fabric|
|Clancy in the garden|